I Never Wanted Him To Leave
by Frenzied Flame
Summary: Roxas doesn't want to lose Axel. And when there's a chance that he might, he doesn't know how to handle it. *One-Shot* Akuroku, mentions of Akuzeku


**A/N**: I know most of you people only know me because of '_Honesty_ _is the Best Policy, Right?'_, and I probably should be updating that right now, instead. But this story wasn't planned at all. I wrote most of it first period today, when I was in quite the bad mood because of what someone told me. It's just something I needed to do, and after I finished it and read it over, I realized that I had made a pretty decent story. Of course this all just imagination work, but it does make me sort of sad to write it. I hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the idea. Even that isn't **_**completely**_** mine**.

* * *

I never wanted him to leave.

It started a few months ago, one day while he was driving us to school. He told me he was bored here in Twilight Town, and was going to run off with his ex, Zexion, that summer. He said he needed to get out of his monotonous life, and do something wild and spontaneous for once. I tried telling him that planning to run away four months in advance wasn't spontaneous, but he didn't want to hear it. So I just laughed humorlessly with my best friend, and the rest of the ride was silent. The moment we arrived at our high school, where I was a sophomore and he a junior, I walked into the bathroom and cried.

I spent the majority of the day slouched over in my chair with my head in my hands. Many people asked me what was wrong, but I didn't want to talk to any of them. I told each and every person who asked that I had had a rough night and was tired, so they left me alone. The one person I wanted to ask me was the one person who didn't.

* * *

I didn't see him again until that afternoon, when he drove me home, as usual. The entire ride choked us with an awkward silence that just wouldn't dissipate. As we pulled in front of my house, he turned to look at me and asked if he could come in and hang out with me for a while. I looked at him with what I'm sure is what came across as disgust, but I was simply hurt and angry.

"I wouldn't want you to be bored or anything," I spat out venomously, "We both know how _monotonous_ just sitting up in a room can be." I reveled in the pained, guilt-stricken look that stretched across his features. "You know what? Just go home… Or, better yet, call _Zexion_," I forced the name out as if the thought of the slate-haired teen repulsed me – which it did – and Axel flinched. "I'm sure he'll find something exciting for you to do. You know, maybe a little _wild_?"

I quickly opened the door and got out of his car, before he had a chance to say anything or, even worse, see how much I had hurt myself by saying those things, because I knew it was all true. He had grown tired of me. I walked up to my door and turned around just in time to watch him rev his engine and speed around the corner. He didn't even try to deny it. No 'That's not true,' or 'You don't understand.' There was nothing; absolutely nothing.

* * *

It had been a month since I last spoke to him. Most days, I only saw him in the halls, laughing with his friends that I did not know. They were all juniors, and they don't look as if they would've accepted me anyway, even if I were as old as they. I was too _boring_ for them.

They would walk around with their oddly colored hairstyles, spiked chokers and chains. They smoked cigarettes and pot behind the bleachers, and who knows what else they did back there. That wasn't me. Maybe that was why he wanted to leave me – because I was just not wild enough. Me, with my plain blond hair, glasses, and polo shirts. I didn't even know why he even put up with me in the first place. I wanted to make him as miserable as I was.

I was starting to think that we had never been friends to begin with. He didn't seem upset at all. I really did miss him though, more than anything. It had been two more weeks, and I still hadn't so much as spoken a word to him.

* * *

I thought he might've been missing me, too, because of the split second when I really saw his face. I locked eyes with him from across the hall. It was only for a brief moment, but in that moment I saw something flicker in his eyes – the same thing I had been seeing in my own each time I glanced at a mirror.

But I was wrong, apparently, and I'd grown tired of waiting for him to apologize. I was tired of waiting for _him_. He could have left the very next day, and I wouldn't have cared a bit. I was tired of it all.

* * *

It had been about two and a half months before I started. I would get it from the man behind the local 7-Eleven, every Thursday night, and come to school high each Friday. It was always Friday, because I always seemed to see him most that day, and it was something I couldn't handle. It only took three weeks of this for me to run out of money, and when it came to that, I had to find other ways to pay for my newfound habit.

* * *

It was exactly three months – to the day – since I had last spoken to him. That was the day he found me, behind the 7-Eleven, _paying_ for my drugs. He stood there, slack-jawed, petrified by what he was seeing before him, and when I glanced up, I stopped moving completely and stared into his face, my glazed eyes silently screaming a thousand apologies. The dealer kept thrusting into me, and my back kept scraping against the brick wall behind me, but all I could feel was overwhelming guilt and shame. I wanted to call out to him, or at least tell that man to stop what he was doing, but I couldn't. I just stared.

* * *

I went to his house a couple of weeks later. It was early June by then, and if he had been serious before, he would be leaving in just a week. When I knocked on his door, he was the one who answered.

"Roxas… What the hell do you want?" he barely asked. He sounded bizarrely monotone and tired, and it made me even more nervous than I had already been.

I stood there silently for a minute, staring at my shoes, before I finally answered in a voice barely above a whisper. "I 'm sorry,"

He stared at me for what seemed like hours before he sighed. "Come in here, Roxas."

I followed him in slowly, afraid that if I made any sharp movements, he would realize what he was doing and kick me back out. I watched him as he sat on his ugly green couch – I had always hated that couch – and I slowly sat down too. I scooted all the way to the far end of the sofa and looked at him.

"I'm sorry," I finally looked into his eyes and repeated myself. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know how else to say it to you,"

Axel let another sigh go and stared intently at me. "Rox, what the hell are you sorry _for_? For being mad at me, for using drugs, or for letting that random bastard _fuck_ you?" I flinched sharply. "Because I don't really want an apology from you – at least not for the first thing. That's my fault Rox, and I know that, but… why," He covered his face with his hand and took a deep breath, so I could tell he was trying very hard to hold something back. "Why the hell would you turn to drugs, Rox?! It was just a fight! I'm just one guy! You can't just go and ruin your life because of that, Rox. I'm not that impor—"

"Don't you _dare _say that. Don't ever say that. 'You're not that important'? You're everything to me, Axel! You're my best friend!" His eyes softened slightly. "Why don't you realize that you are the only person I have in this world!" I fought to hold in the tears that desperately wanted to escape. "Now all of a sudden, you're just leaving, going across the country to Hollow Bastion with that fucker Zexion." I laughed humorlessly. "Am I really that bad? Am I so bad that you need to depend on _him_ to keep you happy in life?"

"Listen Rox, it's not like that, it has nothing to do with you." My eyes flamed at this.

"So it's okay to just leave me here alone, while you explore the city with that whore!"

"Shut up, Roxas!" He stood up and towered over me, "_You_ of all people have no right to call _anyone_ a whore! _Zexion _isn't the one who was caught taking it up the ass for _drugs_! Everything isn't always about you, Roxas! Did you ever think that my being unhappy here had nothing at all to do with you? It's just something that I have to do for me! I can't be here anymore, Rox… I need more than this."

I stood up and tried my best to measure up to his towering form. "More that what?! More than me? Because I always thought that if someone had a 'best friend', that was all they really needed in this fucking world!" I pushed him and he stumbled backward, obviously shocked. "I especially thought that was the case with me and you, Ax. But I guess I just got in too far over my head, huh?" I sat back down slowly. "I should just go. I'm going to be late."

"Late for what?"

"It's Thursday."

He stomped over to where I was sitting and punched me in the face. "Would you stop it with all this shit, Roxas?! Okay? I need you to just go home, and keep yourself away from that damn 7-Eleven. I don't want you to be that kind of kid, Rox."

I couldn't respond. Not only was I utterly speechless, but my jaw was on fire. He looked at me, and that's when I saw that same look I had seen in the hall that day, so long ago.

He sighed. "Come on kid, you're going _home_, not to some drug dealer behind some damn store."

* * *

The entire drive to my house was entirely silent. Axel was thinking – I could tell by the way his brows were furrowed in intense concentration – and I was trying to absorb every detail of his car, because there was a part of me that knew I would never see it again. Everything about the vehicle just screamed his name. The wrinkled leather seats, broken radio that would probably never be repaired, the smell… it was just so 'Axel'. I wanted to keep it all with me forever

When we got into the house, we were both silent as we walked up to my room. I sat on my bed and Axel stood awkwardly in front of me.

"Listen Rox, I know we haven't spoken in about three months, but you're still my best friend, alright? I just need to get out on my own – "

"You mean with _him_?"

"With _Zexion_ and, you know, find myself, I guess. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I'm sure you can understand, can't you?"

I shook my head. I didn't _want_ to understand.

"Roxas," he sighed, "Why are you being like this?" He came and sat down next to me. "You know I'll always be just a phone call away. You know I'll never forget you. You know I wouldn't just leave you here if it wasn't for a good reason." He draped his arm over my shoulder and I shuddered. He looked at me, confused for a moment, and then something seemed to dawn on him. "Roxas…"

I looked up at him and I tried not to shiver at how close his face was to mine. "What."

That was when he slipped his fingers under my chin and kissed me. It was gentle but firm, timid yet passionate. I felt my eyes slip closed from their widened state. It was the best feeling I had ever had in my life, and I never wanted it to end. But only a few short seconds later, it did.

"Roxas, I'm really sorry. I should have thought this through more clearly, and I should've known how this would affect you." He kissed my forehead lightly and I allowed myself a tiny smile. He noticed it and placed his lips upon mine. "Look Rox, I feel horrible about all this, and it's all my fault. I wish I could fix everything... I –I wish I could do something to make you feel better."

I looked down at our legs that were barely touching each other, and I scarcely registered what I was doing until it was too late. I reached my hand over to the bump in his jeans and applied a bit of pressure, and then turned my face back to his and smiled. I took in his shocked, widened eyes and kissed him fiercely. It wasn't long before he we began our small fight for dominance, and took an even shorter span of time for him to win it. The next thing I knew, he had both our shirts off and laid me down on my bed gently. He unzipped my pants, moved down, and took me into his mouth.

"Nngh…"

After a time he came back up and roughly kissed me as if his life depended on it. He began pulling down his own pants and I took mine and threw them across the room. Once we were both completely devoid of clothes, he leaned down and kissed me again, then he whispered in my ear softly.

"Rox, are you sure? It's gonna hurt." I bit my lip and nodded, squeezing his erection in encouragement.

He pushed my leg up over his shoulder, and then looked at my face once more. I smiled at him, and he shoved himself into me all at once. He stopped moving for a minute, and leaned down to kiss the tears I hadn't known had materialized on my cheeks. Soon I nodded again and he began moving, slowly at first but accelerating to an even, steady rhythm.

I tried to keep as silent as possible, and I tried to focus my glassy eyes on his face as he thrust into me, but it was becoming harder and harder for me to concentrate. Soon, I wasn't focused on anything but our moans that were somehow intertwining with each other, harmonizing in the lust-filled air, making the most beautiful sound I had ever heard.

I wanted that moment to last forever, but I knew it couldn't. I came onto his chest, and, not soon after, I felt him fill me up as well. He stayed still for a moment more, leaned over, and kissed me before rolling over onto the bed next to me. As he lay on his back, I quietly curled into his side and lay my head on his chest.

"Axel?"

"Hmm?"

I shifted a little uncomfortably. "I… I love you."

He looked down at me and kissed my forehead. "I know, Rox. I know."

And that was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep in Axel's arms.

The next morning, when I expected to be holding a pale, skinny body, all I found was a pillow with a crumpled piece of paper on top. I immediately began crying, because I already knew what it would say.

_Dear Roxas,_

_I am so very sorry. I wanted to be there when you woke up, but Zexion called and told me that he bought the tickets last night and that I had to be there in half an hour to catch the 7:40 train._

I turned to look at the clock beside my bed. _9:10_. I wiped my eyes and kept reading.

_I was going to wake you, but you looked so peaceful, and I hadn't seen you look that way in months. You should see how beautiful you are when you sleep… Anyway, I'll probably be on the train already when you read this, so I just wanted to tell you goodbye. And remember, goodbye doesn't mean forever, Rox._

_I have to go now; I don't want Zex to leave without me._

_-Axel_

I began sobbing uncontrollably and threw the paper across my bed. When I wiped the tears from my eyes, I saw some writing scrawled messily on the back and slowly crawled over to read it.

_P/S: I think I love you too, kiddo._

That didn't make me feel better at all.

* * *

**A/N:** Yeah, that is it. And now that I've read it again, I have to say that, out of everything I've posted here, this is the best. It's my favorite piece I've ever written.

Also, that was my first lemon-esque thing, and it was unintentional. Once I realized what I was writing, I just shrugged and said, aloud of course, "I'm not going back now."

Anyway, if you'd like, you can

REVIEW

I would like that.


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